Listen: mp3 audio (2167 K) |

Mommee and me in Taiwan

Messages

by Dmae Roberts

(Music by Aaron Meyer and Tim Ellis)

My story has been intrinsically linked to my mom's story--a world war two Taiwanese woman who never had a childhood because she was sold as a baby to be a servant to other people-her adopted step-parents.

The short story is she suffered childhood abuse, met my father, left Taiwan and had two children my brother and me. She worked as a millworker, had her husband die and then when she retired got breast cancer.

The longer story is that she who needed a parent so badly got me to take care of her the last three years of her life as she fought this disease. Three or four days out of the week I lived in Eugene at my mom's home--two hours away from Portland. My brother Kirby lived with her as the live-in caretaker. I was the traveling one arranging, keeping track through phone messages when I wasn't there.

(Are you there? Message From Mommee)

My mom talked by yelling. She didn't like leaving messages. Even sweet messages sounded angry.

(Happy Birthday Message)

The last three years she got better at the sweetness thing.

(Just Says My Name Message)

Then she got sick--twice she went into the hospital. The first time, I flew to Taiwan where she was visiting relatives and I brought her home. We thought she had a lung infection. Then six months later we discovered the reason she was still coughing was because she had breast cancer that spread to her lungs. We tried chemo and one treatment sent her to the hospital again this time with pneumonia. My brother who also hated the phone had to call me to come to the hospital.

(Kirby Message)

It's hard to understand my brother even when he's trying? Meanwhile my mom got worse the second time at the hospital and decided to go home to die. She went on hospice and got a nice nursing aid Linda who became our friend.

(Linda Message)

Ma got better and graduated from hospice after six months. A miracle. The only thing that gave away her health was her cough.

(Coughing Message)

We got in a routine of me visiting her every five days to spend three days at a time with her to relieve my brother who lived with her. Then she started fading again. Went on hospice and just got worse.

(Ma sick Message)

It's weird how you get used to the progression of an illness. She couldn't eat, went down to 80 pounds, lost her voice so I had to bend down to her lips to understand what she was saying. You beat yourself up wondering if there was something you could have done or why you didn't spend more time with her. At the end we got closer than I ever thought possible. I began to call her mommy, not mother, not ma. She liked that. We watched videos on her bed and tried to talk.

At the end, she didn't go easy, but my brother and I were there at the bedside with her friends.

(Elaine "I Love You" Message)

Even after living with impending death for nearly three years, it's still a shock when it comes. I remember one of the nice messages when I was sick with a cold and she called me with a mother's worry?

( Last Sweet Message)

I'm okay some days. Not okay on others. Death is still the short story. The long story is how we live with it. Endure it. Remember it and then let go of the pain so we can live again. We interred Mommy's ashes at the Kuan Yin Temple. I take comfort in the Buddhist saying Life is Suffering and the key to happiness is that there is nothing to attain in life. Yeah...Let go of the wants and needs and regrets and learn be happy. But I'm still going to remember...we will always remember...

MUSIC FADES UP

(Music by Aaron Meyer and Tim Ellis)

about Dmae Roberts
Dmae Roberts is a two-time Peabody award-winning independent radio artist and writer who has written and produced more than 400 audio art pieces and documentaries for NPR and PRI programs.  Her work is often autobiographical or about cross-cultural peoples and is informed by her biracial identity.  Her Peabody award-winning documentary "Mei Mei, a Daughter's Song" is a harrowing account of her mother's childhood in Taiwan during WWII.  Her most recent project has been Crossing East, the first Asian American history series on public radio which just garnered a Peabody award.   The eight-hour series took three years to produce and ran on more than 230 stations around the country. She received the Dr. Suzanne Award for Civil Rights and Social Justice from the Asian American Journalists Association and was recently selected to be one of 50 artists around the country to be selected for the 2007 United States Artists (USA) Fellowship.  Other awards  include the Peabody, the Robert F. Kennedy Journalism award, the Casey Medal, the United Nations Silver award, two Clarion Awards, two Heart of America awards, the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Award.  As the executive producer of MEDIARITES, a non-profit organization dedicated to multicultural arts production in radio and educational outreach, she continues her personal mission to create works that bring diverse communities together.